even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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