Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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