so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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