Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
