How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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