Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just pee around me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
