Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
