Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
