Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
