Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
