She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
His nipple licking is glorious
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