The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
