I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
