He is an equal opportunity slut.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
