quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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