Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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