i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
