hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
