I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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