Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
