i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
