Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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