Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
