He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
