i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
