Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
