she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
