So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
