I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
