yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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