I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
