Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
