we have pet lesbian snakes
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
