OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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