Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was like eating out sand paper
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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