My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
