Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize