Apparently you make a good broom.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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