Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
