a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
