Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
