I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
