he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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