I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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