Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
