I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
