Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
