11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
