Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
