The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
