I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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