Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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