I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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