Pappa wants mamma naked
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm just crazy horny about you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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