If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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