Im at strip club and am horny
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
