I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
