Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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