Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I look better un-naked...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
