just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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