just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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